Review of: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
There are very few exceptions where I don't read a book before ever seeing the film version; however, having sloughed through endless recitations on the absurdity of the (NY Times Bestseller) book, I thought a safe distance from the text was fair.
I saw the film and am glad to report that it was only slightly (devastatingly) sexist. I don't want to imply that it wasn't perfectly terrible (and that I enjoyed at least 2 of the 5 love complications) but I did find the casting to be noteworthy. Also, I am an avid supporter of the Sex and the City collection which I find to be smart and witty. I am sad to report that the only thing in favor of HJNTIY is that it was drafted by two SATC writers.
When my friend (who shall remain nameless out of protection) suggested I read the book (post-film), I was hesitant. Hadn't I got everything I needed to know from the film? Yet, when I found myself on a metro with nothing else to do for an hour, suddenly reading this little book had merit. I earnestly read the introductions in their entirety, wanting to understand how the book came into being and why it might be relevant. First, it's clear that Behrendt (the guy) is running the show and Tuccillo (the woman) is just his "yes man" for agreeing that his tactics work. What an annoying concept considering Behrendt's whole methodology is for women to stop questioning a guy and just let him be in the proactive role.
Tuccillo was initially doubtful of Behrendt's methods--she likens it to a diet. She is won over when her co-workers see "he's just not that into" statements provide clarity for their otherwise cloudy-headed female cohort. She reminds us that we COULD eat those bad-for-you-items sometimes, but where is it going to get you in the scheme of things?
The book isn't like a novel, but a self-help manual: situation, Greg's answer; situation, Greg's sarcastic answer, followed by Liz's approval of all things Greg ("even if it's hard.."). The fonts are annoyingly multitudinous and the research is frustratingly simplistic ("Twenty out of the 20 guys I emailed said they will talk about marriage if they are really interested in a girl").
The truth is, what the book states is common sense. Women KNOW that they are being hurt by men, we understand that we are completely abandoning reason and rationality; but I fail to find a poem which likens love to rationality and ever have it be successful. I'm not sure this book will change the rate at which women allow themselves to be emotionally entangled--it is our nature, I believe--but there is an opportunity here for women to be smarter about who they entangle themselves with.
As for the question we all wonder--why isn't there a book that will encourage men to re-think their dating habits? Greg tells us it is because exactly 5 men know how to read and only 1 of them would buy the book. And he's probably gay. Okay, he didn't say that last part. So what about a TV show then? I'd much rather see someone like Gloria Steinem write that script.
I don't think that ignoring Greg's advice will make a woman less powerful, nor do I imagine taking it will either. It's a matter of where you're choosing to get your information--Wikipedia, anyone?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Poetry
My first introduction to Czeslaw Milosz was during the film Under the Tuscan Sun, when the main character and her repairman have no common language except that of the poet, Czeslaw Milosz. I always intended to discover what made his work translate across cultures so effortlessly.
I didn't even realize Milosz was a poet until I stumbled upon his book, A Book of Luminous Things, in the library a few weeks ago. At no point have I ever been fond of the poetry genre--too often the verses' significance is lost on me along with their rhythm and meter--and discovering this long-sought author was of the poetic nature, I was disappointed.
I grabbed the book based completely on the use of "luminous" in the title.
A few weeks later and I am completely engrossed in the pages. Luminous is divided by sections and are meant not to educate us about the austerity of poetry but to remind us "that for some very good reasons it may be of importance today." In an age fraught with technological and epistemological reasoning, I can't help but find the simple aesthetic of a poet to be reassuring. Milosz does not write his own poetry here, but instead edits a collection of sometimes prolific, sometimes quiet authors.
Many of the poems are from Eastern writers of a different era--the early 700s. Although the Eastern poems were naturalistic in their discussion of mountains and the buds of spring, I found the beauty stunted--trying to discern how their fragile, patroned lives could figure into this century. There were few American writers and many translations of Polish and Russian poetry. Each poem begins with Milosz's brief thoughts--which can be somewhat frustrating, to have an image superimposed before you even make conclusions for yourself.
Since my own poetic experience is limited, I'm reminded of one of the few other books of poetry I've read and enjoyed, which you can take for what it is worth. Garrison Keillor's collection of "Good Poems" is unpretentiously filled with some of the better modern poetry I've read. Both of these poets take little known selections and have their subtle impact bounce from the middle of a perfectly adequate text.
As for Milosz, I have every intention of finding some of his poetry to read. However, I have little doubt that his ability should be in question, based on his ability to select a series of achingly fantastic samples.
I will include some samples below, once the book is returned to me from a co-worker who also saw the title and quickly pilfered it from my desk...
I didn't even realize Milosz was a poet until I stumbled upon his book, A Book of Luminous Things, in the library a few weeks ago. At no point have I ever been fond of the poetry genre--too often the verses' significance is lost on me along with their rhythm and meter--and discovering this long-sought author was of the poetic nature, I was disappointed.
I grabbed the book based completely on the use of "luminous" in the title.
A few weeks later and I am completely engrossed in the pages. Luminous is divided by sections and are meant not to educate us about the austerity of poetry but to remind us "that for some very good reasons it may be of importance today." In an age fraught with technological and epistemological reasoning, I can't help but find the simple aesthetic of a poet to be reassuring. Milosz does not write his own poetry here, but instead edits a collection of sometimes prolific, sometimes quiet authors.
Many of the poems are from Eastern writers of a different era--the early 700s. Although the Eastern poems were naturalistic in their discussion of mountains and the buds of spring, I found the beauty stunted--trying to discern how their fragile, patroned lives could figure into this century. There were few American writers and many translations of Polish and Russian poetry. Each poem begins with Milosz's brief thoughts--which can be somewhat frustrating, to have an image superimposed before you even make conclusions for yourself.
Since my own poetic experience is limited, I'm reminded of one of the few other books of poetry I've read and enjoyed, which you can take for what it is worth. Garrison Keillor's collection of "Good Poems" is unpretentiously filled with some of the better modern poetry I've read. Both of these poets take little known selections and have their subtle impact bounce from the middle of a perfectly adequate text.
As for Milosz, I have every intention of finding some of his poetry to read. However, I have little doubt that his ability should be in question, based on his ability to select a series of achingly fantastic samples.
I will include some samples below, once the book is returned to me from a co-worker who also saw the title and quickly pilfered it from my desk...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Books I've Read (BBC List)
The BBC thinks most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here.
I couldn't find the hyperlink to this list, so you will have to trust me (or my friend Olivia whom I stole the list from) that these were indeed the represented 100.
Instructions:
1) Look at the list and put an 'X' after those you have read.
2) Add a '+' to the ones you LOVE.
3) Star (*) those you plan on reading.
4) Tally your total at the bottom.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen X+
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte X+
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X+
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee X
6 The Bible (what really counts as reading here? No, I haven't finished this book yet)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte X+
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell *
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens X
11 Little Women - Louisa M. Alcott X+
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy X+
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller *
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare *
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier (Missed this one in book club)
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 The Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger X
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger X*
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot *
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald X+
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy *
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck X+
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy X
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen X+
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen X+ (One of my favorite Austen books)
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini X+
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden X
40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne X
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell X+
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez *
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - L.M. Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan *(Actually the next book on my list)
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel X
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen X+
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens X
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley *
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez *(Book club selection)
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold X+
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac X (I say I've read this, but I didn't get to the VERY end, per se. I need to pick this back up)
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding X+
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie *
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce *
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath *
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - A.S. Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell *
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert *
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White X+
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom X
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad X
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X+
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Books I've read: 33
Books I loved: 16
I'm astonished that I've read many of these "classics" but don't even touch the 54 that my friend Olivia has conquered. I've always wondered why books are chosen for lists like these (for example, I would not have put Mitch Albom's "Five People You Meet in Heaven" on here, but would have put his work "Tuesday's with Morrie").
How many have you read?
I couldn't find the hyperlink to this list, so you will have to trust me (or my friend Olivia whom I stole the list from) that these were indeed the represented 100.
Instructions:
1) Look at the list and put an 'X' after those you have read.
2) Add a '+' to the ones you LOVE.
3) Star (*) those you plan on reading.
4) Tally your total at the bottom.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen X+
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte X+
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X+
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee X
6 The Bible (what really counts as reading here? No, I haven't finished this book yet)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte X+
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell *
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens X
11 Little Women - Louisa M. Alcott X+
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy X+
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller *
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare *
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier (Missed this one in book club)
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 The Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger X
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger X*
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot *
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald X+
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy *
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck X+
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy X
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen X+
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen X+ (One of my favorite Austen books)
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini X+
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden X
40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne X
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell X+
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez *
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - L.M. Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan *(Actually the next book on my list)
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel X
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen X+
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens X
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley *
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez *(Book club selection)
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold X+
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac X (I say I've read this, but I didn't get to the VERY end, per se. I need to pick this back up)
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding X+
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie *
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce *
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath *
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - A.S. Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell *
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert *
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White X+
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom X
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad X
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X+
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Books I've read: 33
Books I loved: 16
I'm astonished that I've read many of these "classics" but don't even touch the 54 that my friend Olivia has conquered. I've always wondered why books are chosen for lists like these (for example, I would not have put Mitch Albom's "Five People You Meet in Heaven" on here, but would have put his work "Tuesday's with Morrie").
How many have you read?
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